Monday, April 4, 2011
Letters I'll Never Send
Dear M,
Thank you. Thank you for everything we shared, all the laughs we had, the lunch dates, the dinners, the Glee marathons, going to your dad's house, you coming on vacation with me and my family, thank you for the beautiful necklace, everything. We were with each other through everything, heartbreak and happiness, birthdays and Christmas, fights and kisses. You were my first love, and I meant when I said that I will always love you. A year and a half of fabulous laughs and friends and love. What you surprised me with on our one year I will always remember. Driving from San Fran down the coast, stopping at various little points along the way, you knew exactly what makes me smile the biggest. That one place where we tried the jam, then spent like twenty dollars playing Alien at the Boardwalk then the Comedy Sportz people made fun of us. lol. amazing day, I didn't want it to end. Even through Nicaragua, we kept in touch. I missed you so much. the very first night I just wanted to be with you, I took your shirt out from my suitcase and slept with it all night because it smelled like you. Even now, when someone passes me at school and they use Old Spice I think of you right away, I'll never forget the way you smelled lol You were the perfect boyfriend. I just want you to know that. I wish you hadn't been my first boyfriend, I would have appreciated you so much more. I just want you to know, it was hard for me too. The guilt that I felt for months and months and still feel today, was just as painful as a broken heart, I'm one hundred percent sure of it. I hurt my very best friend, I hurt the one person I told my most kept secret to, I had to leave someone I loved because I wasn't being fair to you. When Glee did Faithfully on their season finale, I cried for hours before I could finally get to sleep. I knew we were thinking about each other and I wanted so badly to go back and be with you again like we used to.
I'm sorry I couldn't see Time Machine. I wanted to but I couldn't come down that weekend, and I didn't know if you'd want me to see it anyway. I want so badly to have a friendship with you after all that we've shared, but I understand that there's damage done, possibly beyond repair for you and I, and I have to respect that. I stalk your facebook shamelessly lol and I figure you and Stacey have a thing for each other. All I can say is she better not fuck around. She better deserve you. You have your shit together, I'm so proud of you for it. You are one hell of a person and you inspired me throughout our time together to strive to be better and work hard for what I want. You've inspired Nick too, he's grown up so much and I know you have a lot to do with it. That's what I've been wanting to tell you, but this is a letter I'll never send. I love you.
Thank you. Thank you for everything we shared, all the laughs we had, the lunch dates, the dinners, the Glee marathons, going to your dad's house, you coming on vacation with me and my family, thank you for the beautiful necklace, everything. We were with each other through everything, heartbreak and happiness, birthdays and Christmas, fights and kisses. You were my first love, and I meant when I said that I will always love you. A year and a half of fabulous laughs and friends and love. What you surprised me with on our one year I will always remember. Driving from San Fran down the coast, stopping at various little points along the way, you knew exactly what makes me smile the biggest. That one place where we tried the jam, then spent like twenty dollars playing Alien at the Boardwalk then the Comedy Sportz people made fun of us. lol. amazing day, I didn't want it to end. Even through Nicaragua, we kept in touch. I missed you so much. the very first night I just wanted to be with you, I took your shirt out from my suitcase and slept with it all night because it smelled like you. Even now, when someone passes me at school and they use Old Spice I think of you right away, I'll never forget the way you smelled lol You were the perfect boyfriend. I just want you to know that. I wish you hadn't been my first boyfriend, I would have appreciated you so much more. I just want you to know, it was hard for me too. The guilt that I felt for months and months and still feel today, was just as painful as a broken heart, I'm one hundred percent sure of it. I hurt my very best friend, I hurt the one person I told my most kept secret to, I had to leave someone I loved because I wasn't being fair to you. When Glee did Faithfully on their season finale, I cried for hours before I could finally get to sleep. I knew we were thinking about each other and I wanted so badly to go back and be with you again like we used to.
I'm sorry I couldn't see Time Machine. I wanted to but I couldn't come down that weekend, and I didn't know if you'd want me to see it anyway. I want so badly to have a friendship with you after all that we've shared, but I understand that there's damage done, possibly beyond repair for you and I, and I have to respect that. I stalk your facebook shamelessly lol and I figure you and Stacey have a thing for each other. All I can say is she better not fuck around. She better deserve you. You have your shit together, I'm so proud of you for it. You are one hell of a person and you inspired me throughout our time together to strive to be better and work hard for what I want. You've inspired Nick too, he's grown up so much and I know you have a lot to do with it. That's what I've been wanting to tell you, but this is a letter I'll never send. I love you.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
baaack
Back in Sonoma! Kind of nice to get away and be on my own again. I miss you. You know who you are lol saying goodbye was as hard as ever. It never gets easier. Never. BALLS. I'm excited to see my roommates since its been so long, we shall do dumb things and reunite and be loud and obnoxious. I'm excited to see whats gonna happen the next four months. idk how much I'll go home. As much as I know I will miss him and my friends, I need to spend time with myself. I got this textbook for drama, not going to lie, I'm hella excited to read it.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
nekkidd
Things to do when home alone:
- sit on bed nakedly
- brush teeth nakedly
- watch tv nakedly
- each a bagel nakedly
- paint nails nakedly
- run around the house nakedly
- dance retardly nakedly
- stretch nakedly
reverting back to the birthday suit haha every baby loves naked time! maybe thats one of those things we never grow out of
Thursday, January 20, 2011
gotta live
almost a year, and now it's like we are perfect strangers. Telecommunication is simply fabulous, theres something wondrous about hiding behind a screen. However, actions are loud, and a picture is worth a thousand words. The picture of you walking away, curt replies, and hollow remarks all cuts deep. No one said it was easy to treat others they way you wanted to be treated, cause its fucking not. People manage it everyday though.
I cant wait to go back to school. I need to shut down and reboot myself. Find my priorities, live passionately, maybe get a tattoo. Do some dumb shit and then come back in a few months.
Im not going to fuck around, im not that kind of girl.
I cant wait to go back to school. I need to shut down and reboot myself. Find my priorities, live passionately, maybe get a tattoo. Do some dumb shit and then come back in a few months.
Im not going to fuck around, im not that kind of girl.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
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